We have a weird bias about what teaches us things.
Suffering gets credit for building character. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” We treat hardship like a stern but wise teacher.
Pleasure gets no such respect. Nobody says “That vacation really built my character” or “All that happiness made me a better person.” We act like pleasure is just pleasure. Nice while it lasts, but shallow.
This seems backwards to me.
Think about what actually changes how you treat people. Is it the time you were betrayed and became more guarded? Or the time someone was unexpectedly kind and you remembered what generosity looks like?
Is it the failure that made you bitter about taking risks? Or the success that showed you what becomes possible when people believe in each other?
Pain teaches lessons, sure. But they’re often the wrong lessons. Suffering makes us defensive, suspicious, risk-averse. It teaches us the world is dangerous and people disappoint you.
Pleasure teaches different lessons. A good conversation teaches you that connection is possible. A moment of beauty teaches you to pay attention. Even simple physical pleasure teaches you that your body isn’t just a machine for productivity.
Maybe we give suffering too much credit because pain demands attention. It’s loud. It forces us to change something.
Pleasure is quieter. It doesn’t feel like learning because it feels like receiving a gift.
But gifts teach us things too. They teach us we’re worth caring about. They teach us what’s possible. They teach us to be generous when it’s our turn.