We spend hours arguing about which Marvel movie is best. Whether pineapple belongs on pizza. The correct way to load a dishwasher.
Meanwhile, we avoid talking about death. Whether our relationships are actually working. If we’re wasting our lives.
This isn’t an accident.
Trivial arguments feel important because they’re safe. You can get worked up about the dishwasher without risking anything real. Your identity isn’t on the line. Your deepest fears aren’t exposed.
But the big questions? Those are dangerous. If I ask whether my marriage is happy, I might not like the answer. If I think seriously about death, I have to face how little time I have. If I examine whether my work matters, I might realize it doesn’t.
So we manufacture passion about small things. We turn the volume up on debates that don’t matter. It gives us the feeling of caring deeply without the risk of actually caring deeply.
The dishwasher argument lets us practice being right about something that doesn’t count.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: the more someone argues about trivial stuff, the more they’re usually avoiding something real. Including me. Especially me.
The important conversations are the ones we keep not having.